Too Few Friends On Facebook
by Delta 9
Summary: A third item has been added to things that would survive the apocalypse. Twinkies, cockroaches and Facebook. 13 survivors like this.
1. Teaser

Disclaimer: all characters belong to Robert Kirkman and Frank Darabount and other wonderful writers.

I know there is no internet but I just quickly jotted this down on a break and had to share, thought it could make some of you laugh. Enjoy

* * *

><p><strong>Andrea<strong>: Thinks some things never change…

_Comments_  
><strong>Lori Grimes: <strong>Its funny that I don't hear you complaining about having clean clothes  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>You took it the wrong way. I am completely appreciative of your work. I just don't see why the women have to do the laundry all the time. I believe in doing my part but could we not be so sexist about the chores.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Because you have done such a good job of keeping the camp "safe" , you should try hunting next.  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>Daryl, I've said I'm sorry. What do you want?  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong> a sandwich.

**Glenn : **DM;HS!


	2. Sandwich

Disclaimer: all characters belong to Robert Kirkman and Frank Darabount and other wonderful writers.

Thank you all, I just wanted to see if the market for this concept was open. Apparently it is.

* * *

><p><strong>Andrea<strong>: Thinks some things never change…  
><em>comments<em>  
><strong>Lori Grimes: <strong>Its funny that I don't hear you complaining about having clean clothes  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>You took it the wrong way. I am completely appreciative of your work. I just don't see why the women have to do the laundry all the time. I believe in doing my part but could we not be so sexist about the chores.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Because you have done such a good job of keeping the camp "safe" , you should try hunting next.  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>Daryl, I've said I'm sorry. What do you want  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong> a sandwich.  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>This is exactly the sexism I'm talking about, ass hole.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>No. If I wanted to be an ass, I would've said put down the gun and go back to the kitchen where you belong.  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>that IS basically what you said.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>no stop getting your panties in a bunch. I said, you should make me a sandwich because you shot me  
><strong>Andrea:<strong> You said all was forgiven  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> and you said you felt like shit, and I said I did too, but there was nothing you could do to make me feel better at the time and now there is. I'm just trying to help you feel better about nearly killing me. Your welcome.  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>Ya know I'm starting to feel less guilty about it now.  
>Dale Horvath likes this.<br>**Daryl Dixon: **liar you still feel awful.  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>and why would I still feel awful? You're alive and well and just too lazy to make your own midnight snack  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>because you almost killed me. And I wouldn't even be awake if my stitches weren't itching  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>I'm not making you a sandwich. End of story.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>any sort of meat will do  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>with lettuce  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>and mustard

**Carl Grimes - Andrea: **OMG make Daryl a damn sandwich. My mom's phone keeps beeping and it's keeping me up.  
>Daryl Dixon likes this.<em><br>_**Lori Grimes: **Watch your mouth!  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>You're lucky you aren't sleeping next her typing away.

**Daryl Dixon** and **Carl Grimes** are now friends._  
><em>**Lori Grimes: **how come there isn't a dislike button

**Andrea **- **Carl Grimes: **I'm sorry but I'm not making him a sandwich.

**Andrea **- **Daryl Dixon: **Stop badgering me, you're keeping your new friend awake.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>MAKE ME A SAMMICH WOMAN!1

**Dale Horvath: **Memory believes before knowing remembers. Believes longer than recollects, longer than knowing even wonders._  
><em>**Andrea: **Faulkner. You are so weird ;)  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Got any quotes about women who should make me a sandwich  
><strong>Dale Horvath: <strong>Keep it between yourselves.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>it won't let me write to her anymore  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>lol she unfriended you dude

**Daryl Dixon: **Bitch - a woman who shoots you in the face and then unfriends you  
><strong>Lori Grimes: <strong>if you don't watch your language you're going to lose another friend.  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>and have another woman shoot you in the face :(  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Could someone send this to Andrea

**Carl Grimes -** **Andrea: **A message from Daryl - Bitch - a woman who shoots you in the face and then unfriends you

**Lori Grimes **- **Carl Grimes: **1)apologize to Andrea. 2) unfriend Daryl 3) go to sleep.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>he can't sleep, you're keeping him awake.  
>Carl Grimes likes this<br>**Daryl Dixon: **got your back bud

**Carl Grimes - Andrea: **Sorry

**Carl Grimes **- **Lori Grimes: **1) done 3) I'm trying

**Andrea **and **Daryl Dixon **are now friends

**Andrea: **No one feed Daryl. Feeding him is feeding sexism  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>WTF  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>I got woken up by Lori laughing at this. This is the most interesting domestic dispute I've ever heard.

**Daryl Dixon **and **Andrea **are 'in a relationship.'

**Andrea **- **Daryl Dixon: **TAKE THAT OFF RIGHT NOW!  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>SANDWICH!  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>stop replying in the comments, hit the reply button its right beside it.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>good lord your anal.

**Daryl Dixon: **Thinks my extremely loving gf who I respect should make me a sandwich

**Andrea **is now 'single'

**Daryl Dixon **and **Andrea **are 'in a relationship.'  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>I'm glad you two kids worked it out  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>I will keep this up all night  
><strong>Andrea: <strong>I'll show you a relationship.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Does that you mean your making me sandwich? Easy on the mayo  
><strong>Andrea:<strong> Good night Daryl.

**Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas: **You know it's a slow night when you check Facebook after watch and all it is a redneck wanting a sandwich.  
>Carl Grimes, Glenn, Lori Grimesand 3 others like this.<p>

* * *

><p>Andrea sipped her coffee by the fire pit. Her eyes and her alleged lover, Daryl's kept meeting over the small flames. He had a smirk all over his face because Carol had not checked her Facebook and had made him some eggs.<p>

_Oh just you wait _she thought.

Andrea took attendance in her head; the only one was missing was Glenn. Because if his youth, he tended to sleep late when possible. He definitely had to be present for this.

When Glenn finally woke up and joined them, Andrea casually strode over to the other side of the fire pit. In the same casual fashion threw her arms around Daryl's neck.

His mouth was partly open when she pressed her lips against his, which could not have worked out more perfectly

Over the sounds of the rest of group whistling and cheering. She couldn't help but wonder what kind of kisser he'd be if he reciprocated the gesture instead of being absolutely stunned by it.

Andrea pulled away after a few moments and walked away, leaving Daryl wide eyed and blushing.

* * *

><p><strong>Andrea: <strong>Andrea – 1, Dixon - 0

* * *

><p>AN:<p>

So yeah the plot of this chapter was sandwiches and how Andrea is not a victim of anything and also very forward.

Last few weeks of terms has been kicking my ass. When holidays hit there will be more of this, and definitely more Whiskey & Cakesters, I'll give you a teaser for that if you've been following – mother flipping IKEA


	3. stranger danger

**Maggie Greene **is now friends with **Glenn **and 9 other people.

**Daryl Dixon: **Not a damn word, youll know when you see it. FYI stitches still itchy as hell.  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>try some Neosporin  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Happen to know where I could find some.  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>We have some.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Can I borrow it?  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>sure come get it  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> you can't run it over here  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>Nope, I can't leave the tent.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Sure you can, run really fast.  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>I don't want to. You didn't break your legs.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>I don't want to put my pants back on  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>STRANGER DANGER!  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>shit, that was creepy. Where's your tent?  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>It's the big one, to the left of the RV, in between 2 trees.

**Glenn: **Hey guys, our hunter's drunk and wandering around. Someone should get him before he gets lost. Also when does my watch shift start?  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>I'll get him. About fifteen minutes

**Glenn: **The world ended, up at night 'cause dead people tryin' to eat me. DM;HS  
><strong>Rick Grimes:<strong> Does this have something to do with the car?  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>No. I do still miss that car but DM;HS  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>DM;HS? Anyone know what that means?

**Daryl Dixon: **To set the record straight, I'm not drunk. Just got some shitty directions. There are alot tents in between trees like Carol's, Glenn's and T-Dog's, kind of weird to have a white guy break into your house huh?  
><strong>Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas: <strong>Do you have to alternate between being racist and sexist?  
>Shane Walsh and Andrea Dixon like this<p>

**Daryl Dixon **- **Carol Peletier:** Hope I didn't scare you. Thanks for breakfast. I would've said so before but my mouth was full, then you were gone, then I was gone then I forgot so yeah thank you. If I was a cat, I would totally bring you a dead squirrel. Probably still will.

**Carl Grimes: **Be my neighbor on Farmville and get a free chicken

**Carol Peletier **- **Daryl Dixon: **Your welcome, least I could do. Please don't leave any dead squirrels on my doorstep.

**Andrea Dixon: **Alls quiet on the western front.  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>*gasp were you facebooking on watch?  
><strong>Andrea Dixon: <strong>No Glenn, but you are.  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>You best not be.

**Daryl Dixon - Carol Peletier: **I was going to put it on your pillow but now I won't. How bout a woodchuck? And I got a favor to ask, Shane ripped my shirt and I was wondering if you could fix it?

**Carol Peletier- Daryl Dixon: **It's the thought that counts, I don't need any dead woodland creatures. Show me your shirt tomorrow, I'll see what I can do. If you don't mind me asking what happened?

**Daryl Dixon - Carol Peletier: **I was going to get some stuff from the Grimes to make me stop scratching myself stupid and Glenn thought I was drunk and gonna get lost, so he told Officer walsh to git me and he grabbed me by the collar cuz he thought I was pulling a B and E and ripped my shirt.  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>was going to put you in a chokehold but since that's illegal  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>damn straight.  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>I don't think Neosporin is going to help you in the brain department, that's too big a job for it.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>You want to talk stupid, I'll tell everyone about the CDC.  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> Not fair, you got me drunk  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>What happened?  
><strong>Andrea Dixon: <strong>I wish Dale was up, he knows half of this story  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>What? Since when? Daryl, since you're wide awake anyway, want to take over on watch. You don't need to wear pants  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>STRANGER DANGER  
>Carl Grimes likes this<p>

**Shane Walsh **- **Glenn:** Keep watch. Sign off.  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> we should put that on a t-shirt lol. I'm tired, someone please…  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>I'll take over,

**Shane Walsh - Daryl Dixon: **You taking a shift on watch may not be such a bad idea.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>You wouldn't think it would be but it is  
><strong>Andrea Dixon: <strong>It is a bad idea. Because no matter what Daryl is going to be cranky tomorrow, if he goes to sleep now (hint hint), he'll have just enough energy to go hunting for the better half of tomorrow. If you put him on watch, he'll get no sleep and be in camp all day.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>awe thanks darling. I'm really liking the way our names look.  
><strong>Andrea Dixon: <strong>I just said that so you wouldn't be around tomorrow.  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>You two really are married.  
>Rick Grimes likes this.<br>**Daryl Dixon: **God dammit Shane!

**Andrea Dixon: **- WTF is this?  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>Believe it means you've been made an honest woman of. Congrats your husband's a lucky guy.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Thanks. She don't cook much and she's get pretty violent  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>Violent huh, you don't say  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>yep, shot me in the head once.  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>No shit, what were you doing?  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>just out walking  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>Holy smokes man, why you with her again?  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>She's got a great ass  
>Shane Walsh likes this<br>**Shane Walsh: **I agree with you there  
><strong>Andrea Dixon: <strong>Shane! Daryl! STFU. I'm in no mood and need I remind you about this morning, you don't want to go down this road with me.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>speaking of that. You owe me more then a sandwich now  
><strong>Andrea Dixon: <strong>owe you? You're whoring yourself out for sandwiches?  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>hey you threw yourself at me, save that dirty mouth for the bedroom, babe where we can put it to much better use.

**Andrea - Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas: **I think he can be sexist and racist on the same night

**Daryl Dixon **checked in to _Andrea's pants.  
><em>**Glenn: **Bow chika wow wow  
><strong>Andrea Dixon: <strong>Glenn stay out of it.

**Maggie Greene: **I said before and I'll say it again you people are crazy.


	4. Testostaroni

Disclaimer: I am not Robert Kirkman, Frank Darabont, Glen Mazzara or Mark Zuckerberg so I do not own the characters or the concept of facebook

Warning: I've been told this is pretty funny, so if you are drinking, move your drink away from your computer, don't want you wrecking it.

* * *

><p>Messages between <strong>Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas<strong> and** Andrea Dixon**

I got to ask, what's with your name? Ms. Dixon

I left my phone out by the fire or some place and Daryl changed it.

Its been that way for a while. Why don't you change it back?

Because then he'd think it bothers me, which it doesn't so I'm going ignore it and eventually he'll get bored.

I hate to break it to you but until then Daryl thinks he's won.

No he doesn't

I'm a guy, I know how he thinks. But you have a point with whole bothering you thing.

Damned if I do, damned don't, eh.

Pretty much, what's the score of this odd pissing contest.

Maybe 1 all. So if you can read minds, what's on Jimmy's mind?

That is hardly a challenge. Boob-berries

Lol, gets me every time. We picked on him pretty hard after that.

Hope you don't mind me asking but what's going on between you and Shane?

Nothing, have you been listening to Dale?

Just curious, forget I asked.

* * *

><p><strong>Lori Grimes<strong>: Worst thing, craving Doritos and pickled beets.  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> There might be some Doritos back in town, I could make a trip tomorrow.  
><strong>Lori Grimes:<strong> Oh no Glenn I couldn't ask you to,  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> Remember what I said before, you're too skinny, you need to eat.  
><strong>Lori Grimes:<strong> Its just a craving, it'll pass. Please don't.  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> Too late, made an event. Its happening.  
><strong>Carol Peletier:<strong> I remember those odd cravings, you poor thing  
><strong>Rick Grimes:<strong> when she was pregnant with Carl, she'd always send me to Wendy's at some ungodly hour for frosties.  
>Lori Grimes, Dale Horvath and 2 others like this.<br>**Daryl Dixon:** Time out. You're pregnant?  
><strong>Lori Grimes:<strong> yeah,  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> when were you going to tell me? I thought we were close, Olive Oyl.  
><strong>Carol Peletier:<strong> that's what you get for being a hermit.  
>Glenn, Carl Grimes and 4 others like this<br>**Daryl Dixon:** you say it like it's a bad thing.  
><strong>Lori Grimes:<strong> If you didn't know I was pregnant, what did you think I was crying over this morning and said I didn't know  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> that you're crazy

**Carl Grimes: **For all who don't know. I'm gonna be a big brother  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>If you have a little sister, don't let her twist herself around on a swing. She could get her hair stuck and if you bring her home with a bald spot your mother will never ever let you here the end of it.  
><strong>Andrea Dixon: <strong>and Don't ever rip her favorite Barbie's head off. That goes for any girl.  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>Aw Andrea did someone break your Barbie  
><strong>Andrea Dixon:<strong> yes, some boy at day care and I never forgave him

**Glenn -** **Maggie Greene**: After what happened last time we went to town, I don't blame you if you don't come, but I would feel better if you did, especially since I'm taking one of your horses.  
><strong>Maggie Greene: <strong>Thought you usually went solo

**Glenn** and **Maggie Greene** are _attending_ One Does Not Simply Walk To The Grocery Store (without a gun) – tomorrow, after breakfast.

**Daryl Dixon:** This must be what hell is like. Just waiting and waiting and waiting for nothing.  
><strong>Rick Grimes:<strong> You're new to this so let me explain watch duty, the rule of watch is you have to watch, (not watch Facebook.)  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> I'm not on watch  
><strong>Dale Horvath:<strong> Yes you are. I can hear you pacing on the roof. You're the only one who doesn't sit.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> I'm not on watch, I'm on safety patrol. Its different.  
><strong>Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas: <strong>safety patrol is when you walk around the camp, when you stay on top of the RV like you  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>my keen vision surveys farther than y'all so its basically like I'm walking around.  
><strong>Shane Walsh:<strong> call it whatever you want, you have to sign off still. Glenn can make you a shirt if you have a hard time remembering that.

**Daryl Dixon - Rick Grimes:** congrats on the baby  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> kissing ass don't change the rules of watch  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> don't need to kiss ass when you got the balls to change the rules of watch/safety patrol/I'm so much better at this than you people.  
><strong>Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas: <strong>You're better then me, you should take my shift  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>My slanted eyes can't see that far so you should probably take mine too.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>hell no, this sucks  
><strong>Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas:<strong> by saying no, you're saying you are not the best man for the job  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> Fine, I'll take your shifts,  
><strong>Rick Grimes:<strong> thanks Daryl, you should probably sign off now since you're on watch all night  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> its not watch, its safety patrol lol.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>PARDON? ALL NIGHT?  
><strong>Rick Grimes:<strong> You're not going to be relieved till Dale, who takes the early morning shift. Glenn was on right after you and T-Dog after him,

**Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas:** Taking advantage of racism – with **Glenn  
><strong>**Daryl Dixon:** I hate you guys, and its not because you are black or chinese but because you are both douche bags,  
><strong>Carl Grimes:<strong> for the record I've always wanted to know what that is  
>Glenn likes this<br>**Daryl Dixon:** would someone please have the talk with the kid. I'm supersizing you both to douche buckets.  
><strong>Shane Walsh:<strong> those are some good words to leave on

**Daryl Dixon:** Hey Rick and Shane, you hear that? That was the sound of arrows embedding themselves in trees just outside your tents, so quit your whining, y'all are in great hands. And Carol you'll be happy to know I'm not being a hermit since I'm stuck here all night, so you should get on Facebook so I have someone to talk to  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>how many times do we have to tell you?  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> next arrow goes through your freaking tent, even if it don't hit you skeeters are a bitch right now.  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>I'll come up there and take your phone  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Fucking try it

**Maggie Greene:** I use to wonder what it would look like if guys used facebook more, now I know its very testosteroni.  
><strong>Lori Grimes:<strong> Now I want macaroni  
><strong>Maggie Green: <strong>We have KD, you could come up to the house and make some  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>LORI GO EAT  
>Rick Grimes likes this<p>

**Carl Grimes – Shane Walsh: **You should be my neighbor on Farmville. I'll give you a goat

**Shane Walsh – Carl Grimes: **Later buddy,

**Carl Grimes: **I hate it when adults say later, basically means never.  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>hey now  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>it's the truth  
><strong>Shane Walsh:<strong> how do I be your neighbor  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>Just hit the accept button

**Shane Walsh **could really use some help fertilizing their crops in FarmVille! Be their neighbor

**Rick Grimes - Shane Walsh: **Carl got you too huh. Congrats your days will now revolve around harvesting virtual plants, addicting as hell.

**Glenn:** Who needs what from town?  
><strong>Lori Grimes:<strong> anything cheese flavored and/or salty/or pickled. Just basically anythings good and I can make random sandwiches  
>Daryl Dixon likes this<br>**Maggie Greene:** we need to remember to get ketchup  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>Jeez, I wonder why *sarcasm  
><strong>Maggie Greene: <strong>?  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>I have never seen people put some much ketchup on things then you Greenes do  
><strong>Maggie Greene: <strong>Hush up, Beth use to be worse when she was younger if you can imagine. She use to put ketchup on rice  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> My mother would beat her  
><strong>Dale Horvath: <strong>Coffee mate, please.  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>razors  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>kinda figured buddy  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>You're just jealous  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>hey I shave  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> yeah bout once a mouth, puberty stache. Shane needs some midol  
><strong>Andrea Dixon:<strong> And there it is, ladies and gents, sexist comment of the night.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> her too,  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> well they've clearly been spending too much time together  
><strong>Andrea Dixon:<strong> what's that suppose to mean Glenn?  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> Its been proven by science that when women spend a lot of time together their cycles line up  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> holy shit! I'm moving farther away  
><strong>Dale Horvath:<strong> I told you to keep that to yourself  
><strong>Andrea Dixon: <strong>speaking of that maybe pick up some feminine hygiene supplies, playtex for me  
><strong>Maggie Greene: <strong>I never really liked Playtex, very much a Kotex girl  
><strong>Carol Peletier: <strong>not one for their tampons but I like playtex's panty liners  
><strong>Lori Grimes: <strong>oh yeah, for those freaking odd light days  
><strong>Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas:<strong> I like knowing what brands to buy as much as the next guy but maybe you girls should tone it down, Glenn needs to be able to look at the list  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>I can look at the list (not without my face burning up)  
><strong>Maggie Greene: <strong>*hugs, sorry Glenn  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>I'm going to need real hugs tomorrow when we're at the store

**Carol Peletier - Andrea Dixon: **come up to the house for our ladies night midnight macaroni fest.

**Beth Greene: **midnight macaroni fest – with **Maggie Greene**, **Lori Grimes**, **Carol Peletier, **and **Andrea Dixon  
><strong>**Maggie Greene: **And Patricia who needs to get Facebook  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>now whose being sexist, I like macaroni too  
>Carl Grimes, Rick Grimes and 3 others like this<br>**Andrea Dixon: **Boys, you don't want to hear what we're talking about  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>I could handle it, Carol back me up here  
><strong>Carol Peletier: <strong>what?  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>don't you remember the other morning when we were talking about the miracle of life  
><strong>Carol Peletier: <strong>And you told me the story of the time you had your whole arm in a cow. You could handle it, but no one wants to hear that story  
><strong>Maggie Greene: <strong>me and Patricia have both been there done that

**Glenn: **Facebook has gotten freaking weird

* * *

><p>Thanks to all who have reviewed. The day I initially started this was a lot like now, stressed out, up to my elbows in papers so I thought everyone could use a good laugh.<p> 


	5. You Wanna

**Carl Grimes - Shane Walsh: **Adopt the stray cat  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>too late, you little traitor  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>you have more  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>Yeah, you have like four duck  
><strong>Rick Grimes:<strong> And now I have a cat. Number of ducks has nothing to do with cats. This isn't the Indian barter system. This is Farmville!

**Daryl Dixon - Maggie Greene:** don't know if Jimmy is allowed to be in Beth's room but that's where he is.  
><strong>Maggie Greene:<strong> Thanks, she is sooo lucky Dad isn't on here  
><strong>Lori Grimes:<strong> if we have a daughter I fully expect this from you  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>in that case, Carl just came out of the tent a few seconds ago and he wasn't wearing a coat. Can I get some macaroni now?  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>if you see a walker out there, make sure to post it on facebook so we all know.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Will do. What about bears?

**Beth** **Greene - Daryl Dixon:** Thanks a lot!  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> Shut your blinds or go to the shed or something  
><strong>Maggie Greene:<strong> 1) we share a wall, 2) there are big spiders in the shed  
><strong>Lori Grimes: <strong>Maggie Greene – Moment Killer (who remembers Scrubs)  
>Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas, Maggie Greene and 4 others like this<p>

**Beth Greene:** Just because you wear mom jeans doesn't make you a mom  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> your sis doesn't wear mom jeans, she's wears very nice jeans  
><strong>Maggie Greene:<strong> Awe you're an adorable kiss ass but I do wear mom jeans because they look great on me. Like that baby blue shirt, you borrowed and never gave back.  
><strong>Beth Greene: <strong>OMFG I gave you that shirt back, you're the one who lost it. Maybe you should keep your clothes on.  
><strong>Maggie Greene: <strong>whoa don't need that F  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>and she keeps her clothes on  
><strong>Beth Greene: <strong>oh please you two are not fooling anyone, even dad is on to you.

**Glenn:** and they never saw him ever again.

**Dale Horvath: **My screen keeps freezing up, anyone know how to fix it?  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>Have you tried hitting it?  
><strong>Dale Horvath: <strong>No, and if you hit the coffee maker one more time, I'm going to hit you.  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>What phone do you have?  
><strong>Dale Horvath: <strong>A blackberry  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>there's probably a bunch of apps running,  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>or you could drop it off the RV roof. I did, works better then ever.  
><strong>Glenn: <strong>skip Hayseed tech support. And let me go through it in the morning.

**Maggie Greene:** Who else thinks that Glenn is cuter than a duck wearing a hat?  
>Andrea Dixon and 5 others like this<p>

**Rick Grimes - Lori Grimes:** Tell me when the macaroni festivus is over, Carl wants me to come and get you because he doesn't want you to get mauled by a bear.  
><strong>Lori Grimes: <strong>Is that why he's still up?  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>no, he just went to sleep.

**Carl Grimes - Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas: **You should play Farmville. It's a good way to pass time in the night and during the day  
><strong>Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas: <strong> you are the Jehovah's witness of Farmville, aren't you?

**Lori Grimes: **So our son's asleep, huh dear?  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>I was asleep but I woke up.  
><strong>Lori Grimes: <strong>I'm sure. Tell your wonderful father to come escort back. Someone has to make sure you go to sleep.

**Rick Grimes **found some gold coins while plowing and wanted to share the fortune. Be their neighbor to collect some.

**Shane Walsh - Rick Grimes: **I'm going to take some of those coins and use them to build a better farm than yours.  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>I don't think the Shane Walsh Charity Farm Foundation is much of a threat.  
>Carl Grimes likes this<br>**Lori Grimes:** Only you two would make this in to a competition. It's a virtual farm for cry out loud.  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>They're competing for second place. I'm first.  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>Not for long. I just planted pumpkins, come morning I'm going to be rich.  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>I planted avacodos they are worth more then pumpkins and you don't even have a barn  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>how come I can't grow avacodos.  
><strong>Carl Grimes: <strong>you're a n00b

**Daryl Dixon - Shane Walsh:** You having tent trouble buddy?  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>Do we have to explain everything to you like you're five? Being on watch means you have to stay on the RV.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>I didn't leave.  
><strong>Shane Walsh:<strong> You're good Daryl, I'll give you that but there is no way you shot the string in the dark. You came down here and slashed it.  
><strong>Daryl Dixon: <strong>You should appreciate the beauty of it. I had to lie down and hang the crossbow over the edge of the roof a bit to get the sight lined up right.  
><strong>Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas: <strong>you went to a lot of trouble to be a pain  
><strong>Daryl Dixon:<strong> worth it  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>We'll see.

**Shane Walsh - Andrea Dixon:** You wanna get naked?

* * *

><p><strong>Andrea Dixon<strong> and** Shane Walsh**

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! Sure I was forward in the car but that was because we were the ONLY ones in the car!

When you say forward, you mean…

Don't play dumb

Your signals can be confusing. You threw yourself at Daryl the other morning. Did you want to sleep with him?

Right now, I'd pick him over you. If you come near me in the next twelve hours, I won't be grabbing your balls, I'll be kicking them.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Formatting this is a pain but the smiles on all your faces and the laughter makes it worth it.<p>

Holy Moly check out the new button


	6. I Saved You A Cookie

**Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas:** Water tastes a whole lot better when you pump it yourself.  
><strong>Shane Walsh:<strong> GO TO SLEEP!  
><strong>Glenn:<strong> I find I'm more thirsty because I used up a bunch of energy pumping water and then I have to drink more so I have to pump more. It's a vicious circle.  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>That reminds me I need someone to fill the water tank. Glenn, sounds like a good job for you.

**Andrea Dixon - Carol Peletier:** I miss my….;)  
><strong>Carol Peletier:<strong> I miss my… too.

**Beth Greene - Jimmy:** Our song is the slam of screen doors, sneaking out late, tapping on your window.  
><strong>Jimmy:<strong> 3 Love you

**Carl Grimes:** Sometimes geeks aren't the grossest people around.  
>Maggie Greene, Glenn and 3 other people like this.<br>**Beth Greene:** I'd be mad if that wasn't so cute.

**Shane Walsh - Andrea Dixon:** I'm sorry I'm a walking talking douchebag, can we talk?

**Andrea Dixon - Andrea Dixon:** Yes you are and no we can't until you give me a good apology, fully explaining what you did wrong.

**Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas- Daryl Dixon:** How's watch going? Seen Bigfoot or any chupacabras?  
><strong>Shane Walsh:<strong> Don't talk to him, he's on watch. Which means he is shackled to the roof with his tongue cut out

**Beth Greene** sent **Carl Grimes** a duck in Farmville.

**Rick Grimes- Glenn:** I learned what DM;HS stands for. Me and you are going to have words tomorrow morning.

* * *

><p><strong>Maggie Green<strong> and **Glenn**

**Maggie Greene:** You and me are going to have words right now! How could you put that on here?

**Glenn:** No one really knew what it meant. What's the big problem?

I know and now Rick knows. You were supposed to be keeping quiet about this because it was a laying low relationship.

I really thought we were past that. Maggie, I really like you. Remember the first time we met, I do. There was something about a walker attacking Andrea and Carl may have gotten shot. All I can really remember is you riding out of the blue on a horse and me thinking I would really like to see you again and talk to you. I was so excited that you showed any interest in me that I couldn't contain it. That's why I said it.

Is that what you're going to say to Rick? That you were bursting like a little puppy.

No. I have no idea what to say. I don't even know what the problem is

He's probably scared my dad will kick y'all off for violating his daughter.

Christ! You don't think he would?

Don't be ridiculous. He would've after the barn if he was serious about it.

Good point, I'll have to make sure to bring that up.

No all you have to say it "Whatever, Rick you're not my real dad!" and stomp off and if there is a door go out it and slam it and then go to the drug store and steal some lip gloss.

Maybe I will. Then you'll kiss me for sure.

BTW we never got around to the hayloft, if you catch my drift.

* * *

><p><strong>Andrea Dixon<strong> and **Shane Walsh** are 'Married'

**Shane Walsh:** I'm sorry for loving you too much, Andrea Dixon.

**Andrea Dixon:** Is anyone else disturbed by how much Facebook allows you to be a whore. I'm listed as being married to 2 guys  
><strong>Lori Grimes:<strong> Watch your language please.  
><strong>Andrea Dixon:<strong> We have more pressing issues right now.  
><strong>Lori Grimes:<strong> Oh yes, how Facebook is devaluing women.  
><strong>Maggie Greene:<strong> I think Facebook is more empowering us by letting us have all the fine tail we want.  
><strong>Andrea Dixon:<strong> I like the way you think.

**Andrea Dixon-Walsh:** I own Daryl's ass and Shane's ass.  
><strong>Carol Peletier:<strong> See if you can put Daryl's ass in jeans that look less homeless.  
><strong>Andrea Dixon-Walsh<strong>: I'll try

**Shane Walsh - Rick Grimes:** I saved you a cookie but then I eated it.  
><strong>Rick Grimes:<strong> uuummm?  
><strong>Shane Walsh:<strong> I'm so sorry, I feel so bad.  
><strong>Rick Grimes:<strong> Its ok. Have you been drinking?  
><strong>Shane Walsh:<strong> I love you soo much. Most of all.  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong> I know, you told me last time you were drunk. Go to bed, brother.  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>Can I sleep with you, I had a bad dream.  
><strong>Rick Grimes: <strong>Good night Shane  
><strong>Shane Walsh: <strong>you're a shitty brother

**Andrea Dixon-Walsh - Daryl Dixon**: Are you ok? You're being weirdly quiet.

**King Tremendous Turd **(Shane Walsh)**: **Bow down before your ruler, peasants.

* * *

><p>"You're chipper," Lori remarked on Daryl's state as she joined him, Glenn and Maggie eating heaping bowls of oatmeal.<p>

"Its gonna take a lot more than being up all night to phase me," Daryl said proudly.

There was a small tremor in Daryl's hand as he explained how he shot one of Shane's tent string from the roof of the RV.

"How much coffee you had?" Lori asked him.

"Wasn't counting,"

"That's enough then" Lori moved Daryl's cup away from him. He scowled.

"Whatever, Lori. You're not his real mom," said Glenn.

"You gotta stomp off but that was pretty good," Maggie laughed, stroking his shoulder, which escalated to them kissing.

"I'm trying to eat," Daryl said to the affectionate couple.

Slowly all the other survivors began to wake up and mosey over to get some instant oatmeal with wild blueberries and less wild raspberries from the Greene's yard.

"Think it might be safe to give this back to you," Shane put Daryl's phone that he had taken by force on the picnic table. "Check your pictures, I dare you"

Daryl tilted his head in confusion and scrolled through his phone. Shane smirk growing as he waited.

"Really, Shane" Daryl shook his head, disgusted. "I'm gonna explain this to you like your five. The reason they are called your privates is because no one else should see them. Where's the Lysol wipes? I shouldn't be touching this, prolly get herpes,"

"We're eating," Maggie said.

"Want to see a cool picture," Daryl showed her his phone. Maggie ducked her head into Glenn.

Daryl took Shane's phone out of his back pocket and threw it to him. Of course, the last time he had remembered having it was before he went and took Daryl's, it must of fell out of his pocket when they were scrapping.

Before he checked the newsfeed to see what sort of havoc Daryl had no doubt done under his name. Shane opened Farmville to harvest his pumpkins before they rotted.

The whole garden patch was gone, replaced with a hundred garden gnomes and one sheep in a top hat.

"You sold all my cows, you son of a bitch,"

* * *

><p>The Walking Dead social game on Facebook came out today so figured I should post this. I wrote most of this while waiting for my energy bar to fill back up and my knife to be repaired.<p> 


	7. What about banana slugs?

APRIL FOOLS.

I had to do this. I'm sorry. I'm a horrible person. Originally it was going to be Whiskey & Cakesters but I couldn't do it.

All pranks aside. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with this story, then it hit me. If the prison has electricity for alarms why not Wi-Fi and Woodbury being such an idyllic place would have to have the Internet.

So brace yourselves. Season 3 is coming my TWD fanfic facebook story.

- Douchebag 9

Again sorry.


	8. Did You Know?

**Haley - Milton Mamet:** The light on the north wall is burnt out  
><strong>Milton Mamet:<strong> that sounds like a job for a hammer  
><strong>Haley:<strong> WTF. You're a freaking genius and all but how do you change a light with a hammer?  
><strong>Milton Mamet:<strong> I meant that fixing a light is not my responsibility. Talk to Merle.

**Haley-Merle Dixon:** The spotlight on the north wall is burnt out.

**Merle Dixon - Caesar Martinez:** Hey brownie, how many Mexicans does it take to change a light? Just one. You.

**Eileen: **loves the sound of the rain on the rooftop.

**Rowan **created a event; _Woodbury General Meeting.  
><em>_The Town Hall_.  
>- <em>Everyone is strongly encouraged to come out tomorrow night to discussion Woodbury's growth.<br>_**Shumpert:** Is there gonna be pie?  
><strong>Crowley:<strong> I would come if there is going to be pie.  
>Warren, Richard and seven others like this.<br>**Rowan:** sorry boys, no pie but please do come out voice your opinions on our community.  
><strong>Merle Dixon:<strong> our opinion is that there needs to be pie in our community meetings. Meeting adjourned. Your welcome, Rowan  
><strong>Rowan:<strong> you can't close the meeting.  
><strong>Merle Dixon: <strong>Who says?  
><strong>Rowan: <strong>I do as head of the committee.  
><strong>Merle Dixon: <strong>Who elected you?I think we should have a vote over whose in charge. Democracy time y'all. I vote me.  
><strong>Rowan: <strong>You can't nominate yourself  
><strong>Tim:<strong> I nominate Merle  
><strong>Gargulio<strong>: I second that nomination.  
><strong>Caesar Martinez:<strong> Motion carried or whatever the fuck. Merle and Rowan are now in a race for the position of organizer.

**Karen:** Rain makes everything feel so cozy.  
><strong>Haley:<strong> It doesn't sound so cozy when you hear it under an umbrella

**Rowan** _shared_ a picture. (A steaming cup of tea in a red tea cup) "I love a rainy night "

**Haley - Caesar Martinez**: Are you ever going to fix the light? I'm getting sick of being in the rain and the DARK.  
><strong>Caesar Martinez:<strong> What are you talking about?  
><strong>Haley:<strong> The light you were suppose to come fix, the one Merle told you about.  
><strong>Caesar Martinez:<strong> That was a real thing. I just thought he ran out of jokes.  
><strong>Haley:<strong> Could you bring me a sweater? My flannel ain't cutting it anymore. Just get someone in the apartment block to let you in. I'm #14 and it's unlocked. Or if you don't want to go in there, I could borrow one of yours.  
><strong>Caesar Martinez:<strong> oh my god, you are the neediest child.

**Milton Mamet: **Fellow Woodburyians, be advised that if the rain gets much heavier our pump may fail and we will have problems getting running water, please set out some pitchers for yourself and your family.

**Shumpert: **I'm going to need to borrow a pitcher.

**Noah:** OMG there is nothing to do  
><strong>Rowan:<strong> Teenage activities is something we would be more than happy to open up at the general meeting tomorrow night.  
><strong>Warren:<strong> psst don't go, there isn't going to be any pie.

**Karen:** My ambience machine never made rain sounds like this. It's getting crazy out there.

**Merle Dixon:** If elected to head of the General Meetings, I will ensure there will always be pie.  
><strong>Rowan:<strong> What do you know about organizing meeting? You couldn't organize Martinez to go change a light bulb.  
><strong>Caesar Martinez:<strong> He knows what the people want. PIE  
><strong>Merle Dixon:<strong> Would ya do me the pleasure of being my campaign manager, if I win I will make you my vice head of general meetings  
><strong>Caesar Martinez:<strong> I'll accept only if when you win, we get a ping pong table and after the meeting we have a ping pong tournament.  
>Merle Dixon, Shumpert, and four others like this.<br>**Crowley:** these are the kinds of minds we need to run this town.

**Tim: **I just seeded today, now I'm gonna have to seed the same place tomorrow. Stupid rain.  
><strong>Eileen:<strong> We needed it, Tim and just think of how good the grass will grow because of it.  
><strong>Tim: <strong>It's gonna grow great right by the wall where all the seed is being carried off to.  
><strong>Eileen: <strong>You're not a glass half guy, are you?  
><strong>Tim: <strong>Not when it's overflowing with rain like the street.

**Merle Dixon - Milton Mamet: **How come you didn't say anything about the rain, Mr. Scientist.  
><strong>Milton Mamet: <strong>I'm not the weather network

**Caesar Martinez** _created_ a page; MERLE DIXON FOR HEAD OF G.M

**Rowan:** haha guys, really funny. But I think Merle is a bit too busy to be organizing Woodbury.  
><strong>Merle Dixon:<strong> You can still organize the town. I'm just gonna organize the meetings/ping pong tournie's.

**Jody: **Does anyone have a dingie, we could go river rafting in the street right now.  
><strong>Noah: <strong>How 'bout a air mattress.  
><strong>Jody: <strong>That'll work. Meet me outside on main street.

**Eileen** _shared _a picture. "Feel like I'm a pioneer" (A blue bucket in the middle of the floor)

**Warren: **I'm going to get the sandbags out of the shed tomorrow for anyone who would like to dam up their windows. When it stops raining out, a few of us can go up and check roof tops.

**Haley **_shared _a picture (Thumbs up selfie in a coat three times too big for her) "I didn't chose the thug life, the thug life chose me. Thanks Martinez."  
><strong>Eileen: <strong>Look at the rain coming down behind her. Poor thing.  
><strong>Karen: <strong>you shouldn't be out in that honey.

**Haley:** Hey did you guys know it's raining?

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Holy moly, it's our good friends in Woodbury<p>

I live in Southern Alberta and its flooding out here. I'm talking several suburbs and whole towns have been evacuated and rivers are carrying away homes and I can't get new shoes because my puppy ate mine. First of all I'm hoping all my other fellow canucks are who may also be in the area are as safe as me, secondly I hope their facebook feed isn't as swamped with it as mine is.


End file.
